Regroup, Reframe, Relax

With the week I just had, I needed to re read this and thought perhaps, you do too.

Sometimes I notice I am holding my breath,

And feel myself exhale.

A simple measure of relief,

Making my mood less pale.

This breath I seem to hold inside,

Is full of life and hope,

Anxious to make its way in the world,

Becoming my means to cope.

As the air moves across my lips,

I release the internal tension.

Oxygen soon becomes my elixir,

Each breath rolls into my pension,

Of tranquility and ease,

Companions in my quest,

To bring strength and balance,

To moments I claim my best.

The permission to allow myself,

To just let it all go.

With every exhale an inhale is gifted,

No matter how fast or slow.

I remind myself with these simple breaths,

My emotions need not be so taxed,

For the key to living this life of mine,

Is to Regroup, Reframe, and Relax.

Q&A My Perspective: How much control should we give our kids?

QUESTION

I have 2 boys, ages 9 and 6. The youngest one is who I am asking about. He
is incredibly head strong and difficult to get to do things that he
doesn’t want to do. His brother is quite the opposite. I have found that
letting him have more control helps, but how much is too much? Do I let
him choose when to go to bed? Where is that magical line between letting
him have some control and mass chaos? He is also very temperamental so it
is easy to enter into a battle with him!

MY PERSPECTIVE

As I was venting over the frustration of one of my head strong children to my friend one day, she said “They say that the traits that irritate you while they are young are the traits that will best serve them in adult life.”  I love a good dose of optimism, but when my kid is annoying me, I am not thinking about how it benefits them…at all.

However, it’s true.  Most of us want our kids to think for themselves, to speak for themselves, and to make well thought out decisions based on how they feel. We give them responsibility so they learn how to be confident, independent thinkers, who can survive without us, but we also must teach them limits and boundaries so they know where they stand.

Teaching those boundaries is just as critical as letting them choose their successes and mistakes.  We have seemed to quickly turn into a society that has forgotten that one of the most valuable lessons we can teach our kids is to respect authority and the limits that go with respecting that authority.  In an effort to have law abiding citizens, our kids need to learn that rules are meant to protect us and serve us, not be flexible to our whims and desires.  In our homes, we, the parents are the authority and our limits are non negotiable, they are the law.

Bedtime is a law created to benefit their health.  The human body needs a certain amount of hours of sleep to function at its optimum level.  Our job as parents is to keep our kids healthy, so a bed time is chosen to allow them the opportunity to sleep for as long as their bodies need.  We can not force them to sleep, but we can give them a bedtime which is consistent and non negotiable ensuring their health and wellbeing. (and ours- post bedtime is ME time in our house and my ME time is equally important for their health and wellbeing) If they choose not to sleep, they will live with the consequences of lack of sleep.  And yes, that sucks for us too, but they figure it out. When they’re tired, they’ll sleep.  I have one of those and it can be torture. The only thing that helps is my consistency and non negotiable rules…and a ridiculous amount of patience.

Since so much of parenting is trial and error, the answer of how much control do we let them have versus mass chaos will come with experience.  For example, if you let your child dictate how and when they do their homework, but you learn that they aren’t getting it done “their way,” you establish rules and guidelines of how and when homework must be done.  For example, homework is done before TV or computer use, etc. If it’s not done within your rules, then relative consequences go into effect and remain consistent until the behavior is changed.

As for being temperamental, it goes with the personality territory of the strong willed child.  It’s so important for kids to learn how to express how they are feeling, but its also important for them to learn how to manage those feelings appropriately.  When kids express their anger aggressively, we need to teach them it is okay to be angry and frustrated, but it is not okay to express their anger in negative and aggressive ways.  And when they do, relative consequences apply.

So the magical line is where ever we draw it.  We establish rules and laws for a reason and most of them are designed to support and protect them.  Until they are officially their own protector, those rules and laws are ones they are required to live by while we care for them. We allow them flexibility to grow within our laws and rules, not outside of them.

Why I am The Boss of You

Since I just suggested last week that its good to not hold the reigns too tight on our children, it seemed appropriate to re-post when it absolutely is.

My daughter’s 9 and she’s pretty awesome. Although, I am biased, I realize this…but she is.  Except for the time she was about to go outside to play in her travel soccer team shirt and school approved pants and I said, “You can’t wear that out to play,” and she gave me her nastiest, angry look and snarled, “You’re not the boss of me. You can’t tell me what to do.”

At that point, I started to laugh and said, “Oh yes, yes I am. I am the boss of you right now because I work hard to pay for the clothes you are wearing and potentially ruining outside to play and I will be the same boss who will have to buy you new clothes to replace the ones you ruin, which I’m not okay with so it’s not happening.  You have designated play clothes and those are the clothes you will wear if you’d like to go outside to play.” At this point, she stormed off to change, disgusted with me and my rules and the control she wished I didn’t have over her life and her choices.  Bummer.

But I am the boss right now and I don’t apologize for that.  It’s my house, and my stuff and I work hard to pay for it.  And although I am a firm believer in allowing kids to make decisions for themselves and offering them options, I am not okay with allowing their decisions to control my life in ways I have influence over.  In this case, replacing things that will get ruined unnecessarily. And yes, my kids play hard, so their stuff gets ruined. I love that.

I work with big kids. Teenagers. They know everything and can do whatever they want.  Some of them skip school and their parents say, “I can’t control them and make them go to school.” No, no you can’t, but you can control their surroundings and the stuff they think they own in your house.  They watch your television, use your computer, use your wireless router for their phone, use your toilet paper (thank goodness) and eat the food you bought with your money.  It’s yours.  They have the luxury of using it.  Except maybe the toilet paper, taking that away would probably be wrong.  But, you are still the boss in your household when it comes to your stuff.

We need consequences to determine which of our behaviors work for us and which ones don’t.  The more positive the outcome, the more likely we will continue that behavior.  The more negative the consequences, the bigger the deterrent to continue. We need to feel the pinch of discomfort in order to encourage us to change.

Life is full of consequences and when better to learn that than when the consequences aren’t that bad.  You forget your homework, you get a bad grade. Not life altering, but potentially motivating.  You eat candy without permission, you lose it for a week. There’s always more candy. You say something mean to someone, they don’t want to hang out with you anymore. You apologize and hope for the best.  You tell off your mother, you have no social life for two weeks. Two weeks will feel long, but you’ll leave your house again, and maybe even think before you speak.  Or…You kill someone, you go to jail and are shunned from society.  Probably locked up for a long, long time.  You meet new friends in jail, you say something mean to them, they cut your ear off when you least expect it. Consequences. They are real.

So, the bottom line. I will not allow my daughter to wear her soccer shirt out to play in order to keep her out of prison and keep her cute little ears.  This time, she changed her clothes, she had a great time outside and the next time, she’ll think twice about what she wears…hopefully. And although I want her to make her own decisions, I want to best guide and influence her how to make those decisions work for her while she is still under my roof, and for me.

So I will continue to let her know that I am the boss of her and I will pay her a good salary of unrivaled love, unlimited respect and valuable life knowledge.  And that includes helping her see the consequences of her actions and how they impact her and those around her.  And soon enough, she will live the entrepreneurial life she desires when she becomes her own boss. And if I play my cards right, maybe she’ll even invite me to take your mom to work day.

Controlling Our Kids: Why Less is More

My favorite meal is breakfast. I am a big lover of food and nothing beats a hearty breakfast of eggs, turkey sausage, toast and some fruit for good measure.  So when my 6 year old son wanted to learn how to cook eggs, how could I resist giving him the opportunity to make me my favorite meal?

I’ll tell you how.  The idea of allowing him to use the stove with its dangers while fully understanding how to crack the eggs and not spread potential germs and then cook the eggs to “perfection” felt like a tall order. Honestly,  I wasn’t sure if I was up to the challenge.  Every bit of the controlling part of me said no and it’s easier to do it myself than to teach it to him kicked in.  I felt it, I absorbed and then I heard myself say, “Okay, you can do it.”

What? Had I lost my mind? Nope.  Just practicing what I preach. Our kids don’t grow unless we allow them to and neither do we.

So my little boy practiced how to use the stove, the frying pan, crack the eggs and not spread germs and in a much shorter time than I expected, perfected the over easy egg.

I commented recently to my daughter how impressed I was with his skill at making eggs at age six and she said, “Maybe because you’re the mom who allows him to make them at age six. How else will he get good?” Damn, she’s smart…and she’s right.

Had I held on to my control of his experiences and not allowed him to try, he wouldn’t learn to how to make eggs, nor would he practice enough to get them coming out quite so good.  And they are good. Really, really good.

In our quest to protect our children and ourselves, we so often rely on our need and desire to control what our children are doing, saying and thinking and work hard to craft their world in the way we feel they should see it.  Our sense of control of them makes us feel safe, confident, powerful and stable for the moment.  But when they don’t follow our leadership and suggestions, the sense of safety turns quickly.  When things feel like they are out of our control, we tend to panic and problem solve in an effort to get things back “on track” aka “within our control.”

And here’s what we miss- every – single- time:

The more effort we exert to control another’s world, the more out of control we will begin to feel.  The key to truly feeling safe, confident, powerful and stable is not actually what we do for them, but what we don’t do for them and allow them to do for themselves.

I know, it sounds like I may have been touched with a bit of salmonella poisoning after all, but hear me out.

The more we try to micromanage, the more anxious and controlling we become as we try to manipulate every aspect of our world.  But when we let go of our perception of control of others and allow them to take responsibility for themselves, we give them the gift of independence and ourselves the gift of freedom.

As we begin to release our perception of control of our external environment, the more in control we will become to feel and accept whatever happens next.  The missing link is Faith.  The more we believe that we can accept and handle what comes next, the more in control we actually are.

Faith is not a hope, it is a belief. And believing is a practice, that requires A LOT of reiteration. It doesn’t come natural to the majority of us, but it does benefit all of us when we allow it a prestigious place in our lives.

Had I controlled my son’s interest (and don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot I do and must control to keep them safe and healthy), I would not be enjoying the benefits of a little man making me breakfast every day.  He is so good to his mama….Nor would I acknowledge the insight of my 9 year old daughter who often points out what’s right in front of my face.

And the best part…the gift of responsibility and growth to them is the greatest gift to me.

Our Christmas Tree, Our Scrapbook

At at a time where we focus on our families and our joyous moments together, a re post of how our Christmas trees become our family scrapbooks.  Enjoy the holidays my friends!

I love my Christmas tree.  Really and truly love it.  I remember as a child, how excited I was to put up our fake tree every year.  In retrospect, it was really cheesy.  It didn’t look real, or smell real, but it was ours.  Filled with the ornaments we were given or made at home or in school. Colored lights and tinsel garland.  It was very shiny. I remember reminiscing with my brother on each ornament we hung, special and filled with memories of joy.

After college, I moved across the country with my boyfriend who was in the Navy (now my husband) for a year. At Christmastime, we had very little money, but that would not stop me from getting a tree and enjoying every moment of it.  We had a beautiful tree, filled with inexpensive bulbs from Target, white lights and one special ornament I bought that would begin our tradition.  A Precious Moments boy and girl with the boy holding mistletoe over the girl’s head, putting the moves on her, as only a Precious Moments figurine can.  I prominently displayed it in the front so I could see it when I stared at the tree each night.

After my husband and I married, we received more ornaments from friends and family, symbolic of memories we shared or interests we had.  Each chosen with thoughtfulness and consideration.  When our own family expanded with the birth of our daughter, the ornament collection did as well.  Baby’s First Christmas, ornaments with her name, and the tradition I started with giving her angels each year which symbolized how she showed me the way to my heart when she came into my life.  For my son, it was stars, which symbolized the bright and hopeful glow he shines that helps me clearly see my path. 

Each year, a new star and angel adorn my tree.  Each year a new craft makes its way as well.  Homemade ornaments made at daycare, school or at home, which represent the children’s development and creativity.  Hand prints made into antlers, turkeys or wreathes.  Glitter, paint and crayon decorating both inside and outside the lines.  Beautiful…every single one.  Ornaments from Disney World, the Outer Banks and Santa’s Village, New York Jets bulbs, framed mini pictures, silly moose, Santa in various forms and the dog angel as a reminder of a pet no longer with us.

Our tree is a decoration, symbolic of the Christmas season, but to me, it is the scrapbook of our life as a family.  A Family Tree.  Memories hang on each branch.  Reminders of our life together, of moments that blend our hopes, dreams and the experiences which keep us united. Always changing, always growing, it looks a little different each year, yet at the core, it is exactly the same.  As we decorate, we tell stories of each one.

“Remember my teacher gave me this gingerbread man? I was out sick that day.”

“I made this at Miss Susan’s. Isn’t it cute? I had so much fun there.”

“This was my little drummer boy from when I was a little boy that hung on my family’s tree.”

“This was from one of my former students who apparently thought I resemble a crazy monkey.”

They have different places on the tree each year, some high, some low, depending on how likely I think my son will break it.  But their stories remain the same, as does their value.  Except for the Precious Moments little boy and girl.  It is hung front and center on the tree, its placement special and pronounced.  As my favorite ornament, the first page of our scrapbook, it is the one that I hold most dear.

Always before I am ready, its time for the scrapbook to be put away.  Wrap up the memories and preserve them for next year’s display.  But for today, I will stare at the tree, relish in my gratitude, and appreciate its reminders of our joy, our changes, our core and our unity. Our Family Tree.

Lessons in the Wake: Thoughts on the Sandy Hook Elementary School Tragedy

Like many other parents I sat glued to the news yesterday crying, grieving and just wanting my children to be home after learning about the horrendous acts of violence at the Sandy Hook Elementary School.

I felt like I needed more information, more insight, more understanding to piece how a human being could ever hit a point so desperately low that they could do what this young man did.  I hesitate to even call him a “man” because my intense anger of his actions puts him in categories that a “man” could not fit in.  Yet I know the only thing anger gives me, is anger in return.

Yesterday, I questioned my faith in the simplicity of human behavior, my belief in the death penalty, my understanding of gun laws and school safety, and the ability for our fellow humans to face horrors we can not identify with words.

Living in Connecticut, one of the smallest states in our country, made the world seem even smaller and as though the unspeakable occurred in my backyard…because it did.

In my everyday life, I continually search for the good. I whole heartedly believe there is an opportunity to learn from every hardship we face and I am determined to find it whenever it is presented to me.  Yesterday, I was at a loss.  I scoured my mind looking for the missing link. I listened to the reports on the news searching for the understanding, the silver lining or the light ahead.  I could not find it. How could anything good come from what feels and is so very, very devastating?

Today, I recognize that there is no end of grieving for the families who have lost their heart and for the children who experienced the violence that we strive to protect them from every day.  But there is a lesson and gift in this level of grieving and tragedy for everyone.

For a moment or a day or a week or in the months ahead:

We acknowledge that life is precious.

We live in the moments and stop thinking about what we need to do next. We sit in our pain, hold it and then release it as we start to look around and see what we do have in front of us.

We appreciate our children, our families, our friends and our supports that hold us up.

We grow closer to our neighbors and strangers we meet as we discuss the common ground of disbelief and sadness that we walk on together.  We embrace how similar we are and take comfort that there is more good than bad in the world when we allow ourselves to see.

We watch communities unite and thrive in the desire to support each other and experience love in any form it comes in.

We gain new role models of strength as we watch those our hearts break for take one step in front of the other with poise.  As we watch them stand, we admire that the human spirit is more strong, more courageous and more accepting than we ever dreamed possible. We learn great knowledge from these people, both young and old, and in turn, we lift them up with our outpouring of love both physically and energetically.

When all else fails, we hug one another, allowing us to be one with another, to exchange the energy of love and beauty and kindness and if only for a moment, know that we are never, ever alone.

Although we may never fully grasp a sense of understanding of why horrible things happen, we always have the ability to grasp what we will do in its wake.  It is our right as human beings to choose our path, to guide our children, and to love each other in whatever ways we deem fit.

Today, my friends, I send you my love. May we all find peace in the days ahead and appreciate the gifts bestowed to us each day.  May we also find solace with the knowledge and understanding that we are in this life together, every single one of us.

Q&A My Perspective: Why are Kids So Mean?

QUESTION

How can kids be so mean at such a young age, teasing kids about clothes and shoes. My friend told me that her 7 year old is so cautious about what he wears to school because he doesn’t want to be teased in 2nd grade!

MY PERSPECTIVE

I was once at a local playground after school when my daughter was 5 and had just started kindergarten.  A little girl, either 6 or 7, went up to my daughter and said “Nice Sketchers (brand of shoe), wanna play?” My daughter had no idea what she was talking about until she told her it was her shoes.  Another little girl standing by them asked if she liked her shoes and the girl replied, “They’re not Sketchers.” And the Sketcher loving girl ran off with my with daughter to play on the swings leaving the other girl in the dust.  That conversation has been burned in my mind for the past 4 years. Upsetting, I know.  (And no, I did not intervene. I chose to let the scene play itself out and discussed my concerns with my daughter on the way home because I knew she wouldn’t have had the slightest idea what happened)

Anytime a person is putting down another, it is a way of positioning themselves for perceived power.

We can analyze why the girl who likes Sketchers feels the expensive shoe is a symbol of power. She may view monetary value of the product as a superior trait. She may believe that the more money someone has, the more power they have. This is not an uncommon view and certainly one that is learned by watching and listening to others, not uniquely manifested.

Or more simply for a child her age, she could feel the style is more to her liking and therefore she has something in common with the other person with similar taste.  She is drawn to like minded people so she feels like she belongs and would prefer to be around someone who views things/style as she does.  This is natural for everyone. We are typically drawn to others with similar interests and values. The more in common we feel we are to someone, the more we feel we are on an equal playing field of power.

Or we can decide she is a mean spirited little girl and its much easier to pass judgment on her and her parents for raising such an unpleasant little girl and feel good that our children would never say such things…that we are aware of.  Feel the power of looking down on someone else?

What’s wonderful about children is that they are ever evolving and learning.  They learn from everything and everyone around them. They will be exposed to unkindness and they will be unkind themselves as they are learning how to find their place in this world and experience which behaviors get them what they want.

The best thing we can do for our children is to be aware of what we are teaching them.  How do you speak about others in front of them? How do you compare yourself to others? What are they learning from you by your words and actions? We may preach equality, but do we teach equality with our actions?

Parenting is just as much about personal reflection as it is noticing what’s around us, since what we teach them is a mirror of how we view the world and our place in it.

I am mindful about how I talk about others in front of my kids, but there are times when my own judgments seep through (or pour through) and they are absorbing every bit of my ego infused rant. Our humanness is what gets in the way of our perfection, which creates a wonderful opportunity to point out our mistakes and how we learn from them.

The reality is, the more comfortable our children are with themselves and the more secure they feel, the more comfortable they will be with their perceived position and sense of power.  The key is to help them understand that being different doesn’t mean less than.

Our children will experience hurt by being judged by others. It’s inevitable.  We can’t protect them from others judgment, but we can teach them how to view themselves in a way that is less judged and have faith that will hold on to it as they experience it for themselves.

The Elf On the Shelf Who Mocks Me

Tis the Season….

I love my traditions,

I’ve said so before.

But some “great ideas,”

I’ve learned to abhor.

The Elf on the Shelf,

His cute little face,

Seems to silently mock me,

In his new hiding place.

He knows I won’t remember,

How do I always forget?

Until 4 in the morning,

When I start to fret.

“Oh crap! Did I move him?”

“Where did he hide?”

I lie in bed awake,

My eyes open wide.

You may not speak little Elf,

But I hear what you say,

“Why start a tradition,

That brings angst every day?”

I swear someone told me,

That this would be fun.

If only I could remember,

I’d know who to shun.

At 6 a.m, my reminder,

Comes barreling down the stairs,

“Did you find him?” he questions,

With wide open stares.

“I haven’t, he’s sneaky,”

I always seem to say.

Little does he know, the Elf’s stealthness,

Is limited each day.

The joyful squeals of “I found him!”

And the giggles that follow,

Turns the lack of sleep and frustration,

Into discomfort I can swallow.

Congratulations Elf,

You can stay another night,

The tradition just won’t die,

Even if it really bites.

The Benefits of Tradition

In honor of the Traditional Bliss of the holiday season, a timely re-post.

Boots, hats & mittens…check. Camera…check. Dunkin Donuts hot chocolate…check.  Super Excited Can’t Wait to Do This Attitude…check. Remind my husband that the weekend after Thanksgiving is absolutely the best time to get your Christmas tree and it really won’t fall down on you three times this year after we decorate it…check.  Buy a new, improved tree stand to replace last year’s…damn, I knew I’d forget something.

Traditions.  We all have them, need them, live for them.  They are the moments we recall from childhood of the hopefully warm memories spent with family or friends doing the same activity or celebration each year.  I love tradition.  It makes me feel safe, comfortable and in a life full of continuous changes, like something may actually stay the same if I can hold on to it in my head.  I also love building traditions for my children.  My favorites include trick or treating with our cousins, Thanksgiving in an overcrowded dining room so we can all be together, decorating the kitchen the night before the kids’ birthdays and leaving a trail of gifts in their bedroom.  Vacationing on “our” lake in Maine with our extended family and playing Monopoly until late night (which is 9 pm in Maine).  And of course, cutting down our Christmas tree.

Now there are some traditions I could live without.  Wondering what the going rate of the Tooth Fairy is at the time of the lost tooth.  There is just no consistency there.  And the crazy Elf on the Shelf I started last year.  Hiding that little guy is a commitment.  And then forgetting you put him in a bowl for safe keeping in the back of your cupboard and mindlessly taking him out in the summer when using the bowl and having your kids be traumatized by the sight of him sitting on the refrigerator.  “I thought he lived in the North Pole!” they exclaimed.  “Well, just like Santa he’s always watching for good behavior and he stops by to visit every now and then. You never know when he’s around,” I explain.  A bit creepy and they were over it and back to their normal behavior in less than an hour.  Not sure if it’s worth the commitment.

There’s something amazing that occurs when we create traditions for our children. Besides the fact that it gives us something to look forward to, it reminds them that no matter how crazy life can get, we always have some semblance of “normal” to rely on.  It may be a special dinner to celebrate the little things or love notes in their backpack. Or the same book they read once a year or songs sung on certain occasions.  Maybe it’s the way you tell them you adore them that no one else can recreate. No matter what they are, traditions offer comfort and consistency that we may not get anywhere else.

There’s also something amazing that occurs when we follow the traditions we create.  It reminds us of the past years and how much our children have grown and either how much we appreciate them or how quickly they are growing up and how desperately we want it to slow down. We recall the past memories and laugh at the folly or cry when we miss someone who is no longer experiencing it with us. Retelling stories and reliving memories in the here and now of togetherness and musing over what will happen next year. Traditions reflect where we’ve been, where we are and where we hope to be.

As time goes on, I hope to continually be creating more traditions with and for my children.  Partially for them, but mostly for me.  Miniature glimpses of time and space I will hold on to, to keep the fast paced life seem a bit slower, fuller and with reason to remember the little events which make our days meaningful.  And with any luck, I will remember to buy that new, improved tree stand to make next year’s memories just that much better

Q&A My Perspective: When You Don’t Agree With Your Child’s Teacher and Their Practices

QUESTION

How do you support your child’s teacher when you don’t agree with their behavior management practices?

MY PERSPECTIVE

When we pass off our children to complete strangers in the beginning of the school year with the expectation that they will adhere to our parenting beliefs and practices in addition to educating our children in brilliantly entertaining ways that will keep them engaged for 35 hours a week, we set ourselves up for disappointment.  That’s why I personally keep my expectations very low so I can be pleasantly surprised when all is going well. (transparent sarcasm is beautiful, isn’t it?)

Here’s the reality. We come into contact with people every day whose practices do not align with our own.  Often times, some our friends and family do not parent their own children the way that we do or want to. We then have options on how we want to handle it.  We can remove ourselves from their lives because we don’t agree with them and are uncomfortable with their practices. Or we can continue to spend time with them, and then talk behind their backs about how we would NEVER parent the way they do. Or we can continue to spend time with them, accept our differences and stay firm in our beliefs and model what practices work for us.

When it comes to our children’s teachers, our options are virtually the same.  We can ask to have them removed from the class and try someone new. We can have them continue in the class and build up our resentment towards the teacher and their perceived inferior practices and potentially have our judgment seep into our child’s head who in turn rejects the teacher’s practices as well and becomes non responsive or disruptive. Or we can keep them in the class so they learn how to adapt to different methods of practice, while firmly modeling what we feel works best at home.

If you opt to keep them in the class and choose not to build up resentment, it will be imperative to communicate your concerns with the teacher and explain how you manage behavior at home and why it works for you.  You are then offering the support you mentioned and ideally educating them on alternatives that they may not have thought of or tried.

If they choose not to accept your suggestions, then you and your child are learning an excellent (and hard) lesson in adaptation and acceptance.  And that’s a good thing because the more opportunities we learn to adapt and accept what is happening beyond our control, the easier it becomes for the inevitable next time.

On a personal note, I learned an invaluable lesson as a parent one year when my daughter’s teacher had a style that was quite the opposite of my own.  She did not engage with me the way I had hoped and I was unimpressed with her demeanor.  At the end of the year, my daughter cried on the last day of school because she loved her teacher so much and didn’t want to move on to anyone else.  I then learned that just because the teacher’s style was not for me, didn’t mean it wasn’t good for my daughter.  Her style worked just fine in engaging my child and promoting a love of learning, which is exactly what I wanted for her.  She met my expectations without being what I wanted her to be.

Either that, or I’m not always the best judge of what my child needs.  Nah…;)