I was waiting for inspiration to hit this week to write and since it did not come, I was directed to my podcasts on how to live serendipitously. I was cracking up when I read the script to this one because it is exactly what I currently need. You may feel the same. This is part of the script to Practicing the Pause. It’s definitely worth the listen if you like podcasts. If not, the information and practice is right here. If you are one who quickly reacts emotionally (like me) this one is for you.
Today I’m going to be talking about how to practice the pause and manage impatience when life seems confusing and we feel like we don’t know what’s happening. We are going to look at the root cause of the discomfort of waiting and how to not just make it more comfortable, but make the wait work for you.
You know those confusing moments where you feel like life is going downhill fast and you’re not sure what to do about it? Those moments can be really, really tough.
You’re going along making decisions that feel good and life is rolling smoothly and then suddenly you hit a road block. One you don’t see coming or makes any sense as to why it would be there. And then you feel stuck and unsure of what to do next. Sometimes, oftentimes, the best thing you can do is nothing.
Practice the pause and wait for more information to present itself. And that can be terribly uncomfortable in itself. Most of us, by nature, don’t like to wait. We aren’t taught to do it well.
Even the idea of waiting makes us squirm in our seat. We live in a society that continues to make everything easier for us by giving it to us faster. But what is this doing to our ability to wait for just about anything? We stop living in the moment and appreciating the NOW in front of us. And that’s what we are going to look at today….how to come back to the moment and make it work for you, so you can practice the pause a little easier.
So life hits some challenging moments and we don’t get it sometimes. Actually, its super annoying. Even when you know and believe things will work out…and I truly believe this….that does not necessarily take away from the discomfort while waiting for things to work out!
Let’s look at why waiting is so important at times. When unexpected life events and experiences pop up, and they always do, our go to is to quick fix any discomfort out of it. We want to abolish the fear and pain and dismantle any threat of our safety. I mean why wouldn’t we….feeling the pain kinda sucks.
So we try to quickly problem solve our way out of the pain. We look for our go to’s and distractions to make it go away. We do internet searches looking for answers, we ask friends for advice, we get angry at the people in our life we think are causing our pain or we swear at the universe for setting us up without any clear escape route to fast forward out of whatever we are experiencing.
Most of us just don’t like it. We don’t like the confusion and the discomfort and pain that comes with it. I don’t either. In fact, it irritates me like crazy….right up until I remember the techniques that help take the edge off…practice the pause…wait for more information. It always comes.
Not always when you want it, but always when you need it.
I’m going to be totally honest with you here. This is a practice I’m continually challenged by. My mind thinks at a high speed and sorts through information quickly when I’m working with other people so I assume and expect I should be able to do this alllll the time for myself. But I can’t. I’m not supposed to. And neither are you.
You aren’t supposed to always have the answers right away. Its almost like you are given blinders sometimes so you can’t see the next steps so you don’t get stuck on one target. Meaning-if you are put all your energy into one direction, you may not see a direction that is better suited for you and your needs. When you can’t see it, you may be more open to the options that present themselves…and that is a practice in itself!
You also can’t see the full picture at times because there are other steps for you to learn before you hit your destination that will only make its arrival that much better and more rewarding when you get there.
And you’ve seen this in your own life. You’ve had lots of experiences where if one event didn’t occur before the other, it wouldn’t have worked. There’s a true flow to this waiting period that is meant to benefit you so you ultimately get what you need. You may not always see it in the wait, but you can appreciate it when you arrive.
So if we can agree that when you don’t have the answers, waiting for more information is an effective way to respond, we can also agree that sometimes waiting really sucks.
I’m assuming here that you don’t like the wait but I’m not assuming that I don’t. I rarely say, oh wow, I feel stuck and in pain and I’m so happy I don’t have the answers to move through this comfortably.
Ummm..no. I’m just as impatient as anyone else, which is why these practices are ones I rely on to not drive myself nuts.
In fact, while preparing for this podcast, the ideas were not flowing together and I was so frustrated because I could see all the pieces in my head that wanted to come out, but they weren’t supposed to until I practiced the techniques and concepts I share with you….so I would be clear about what was being shared.
Those ideas did not meet my self imposed deadlines and they did care that I was annoyed and ready to move on. They were not going to come to my awareness and click until it was just the right time.
And like you I want what I want when I want it. But me wanting is not enough…I have to be ready to receive it.
And so I practice…and these are the practices I know help.
First of all, the key is to allow the information to come to you and to be open to receive it. The quickest way to be open to receiving is to clear your energy and your internal clutter to make room for the information coming in.
Seems like it should be easy right? Except when we take on the anxiety of the impatience when we feel we need it sooner than its ready to come.
You know what doesn’t help? Stress from impatience. Anxiety. Over questioning. Over analyzing. Looking at the problem with the same lens moment after moment expecting a different view. This kind of behavior can be clogging and slow down our vibration. And when we slow down our energy with worry and frustration, we are not in a great position to hear or notice what we are being given.
So how do we clear our energy and be ready to receive? Go back to the basics!! Do what brings you joy.
The root cause of the discomfort is actually quite simple. We are not living in the moment…and in turn, not enjoying the moment.
If you think about an average day where you have to wait, we work pretty hard at avoiding the discomfort of waiting.
Think about a typical waiting area and how it is set up. Often books or magazines are out for you to enjoy the time you are sitting. Or a television is on that can keep you distracted. If you like the article you are reading or the program you are watching, the wait seems easy…effortless. If you don’t like what you are doing then the wait seems hard and painful. Or you go into a restaurant and the host staff tells you it’s a 30 minute wait. Most likely, you’re initial reaction will be- ugh- I don’t want to wait…..I’m starving, I don’t want to be here forever, my time is so valuable and waiting is not…etc. etc…
But if you like the company you are with and there is a place to be with that company, whether a comfortable seat or at the bar with a drink in your hand, you don’t mind waiting at all. You can get caught up in discussion or enjoy the time together that might be rushed while sitting at the table preparing to order. The time seems to fly by and the moments seems few because you are lost in them with contentment.
And that’s the point- your perception of the moment is going to impact how you manage the wait. When you like the moment and what you are doing, it will be easy and fun. How you perceive the moment is what will determine what makes it enjoyable or not….and just how long that wait really is.
When you do what brings you joy in a moment, you have stopped thinking about your problem and create room in your mind for more information and ideas to come in.
So the practice of doing things that bring you joy has an extraordinary amount of power to help you not just improve your health, and emotional wellbeing, it allows you to reconnect to your self and the guidance you’re waiting for.
I think its often true that the answers typically come when we are not looking for them, so we might as well enjoy the ride while we wait.
This is why we have so many experiences that seem to build on each other….because they are. When you slow down enough to notice them and observe how one opportunity leads to another and you learn something new each time, you begin to see the proof that pausing to receive the information and next steps is the most productive thing you can do.
If you don’t know which direction to go because you don’t have enough information, then wait. Allow yourself to be in the moment and let the next steps to come to you instead of chasing them.
Use the space, the pause, to your advantage. Make the moments work for you to decrease any discomfort in the waiting..and then enjoy the outcome when it finally works itself out.
That of, course, is always the best part.
What is most challenging for you when waiting?