I am in the habit of looking for the beauty in the mess that life can bring. I’d like to think it’s because I’ve been bestowed a special pair of glasses to view the world with this lens, but it’s not. It’s taken a lot of practice and tuning into the gifts that come from pain, confusion and fear.
It also comes from defiance. I stubbornly refuse to believe that life would give us so many obstacles and uncomfortable experiences without some kind of purpose and value. With this belief has come a lot of proof, and for a natural skeptic whose default is fear and anxiety, this has been priceless. A guide to thriving in uncertainty and a map to make sure I always find my way home. It is clear to me, it is my responsibility to share.
I have to say, that is not always easy. For someone who lives on the fumes of hope some days I know it can sound like magical thinking more than concrete proof. Not everyone wants to find purpose or meaning or understanding, and that’s fine too.
For me, the need started with survival. I chose to believe life was more than “life sucks and then you die.” I had to. The more I swayed into darkness the easier it seemed to get stuck there. The underworld is familiar territory for someone like me, but I could not allow myself to live there. I knew there was too much more of life to see and explore, and I thrive on adventure.
This current pandemic experience we are in is yet another challenge. We are well aware of the setbacks and concerns and by now we have heard and seen some of the positives revealing themselves. With every great challenge comes the opportunity to grow and expand in ways we were unable to before. We are seeing a small glimpse, but we are nowhere near what will be revealed as time goes on. If you don’t see the serendipity yet, don’t worry, it will find you.
In order to see the joy in our experiences, we can practice tuning in. The more we do this the more we see the serendipity that shows we are supported and that life is happening for us. Create a book of proof by tracking the small and unexpected joys that show up each day.
Tracking your daily joys allow you to increase your faith that no matter what happens next, something will help balance it out. It may be a moment that feels good and lets you know it’s not always going to be hard and challenging. It may be a promise of hope or a reminder of being loved and seen. It might be someone reaching out you wanted to talk to or an opportunity that you didn’t previously see. It might be an idea that pops in your head or something that somehow shifts your mood. A compliment, a story you hear, inspiration or feelings of love and support of any kind. These moments give you proof that in some way you are supported, even in the smallest of ways. And the small stuff adds up.
For example, earlier this week I went for a walk in my neighborhood, as I often do. On occasion I see others outside, but not very often. With the closing of schools and more people staying home I saw an increase in people being outside. I unexpectedly began talking to an older gentleman in a nearby culdesac. He’s 82 years old and was babysitting his grandchildren since they don’t have school. He was teaching the youngest how to ride a bike and got right on that bike to show him himself! He introduced himself and shared how he finds many people are afraid of death. I shared how I have noticed that many people are afraid of living. He told me he was most recently employed as a hospice chaplain, but prior to that was an insurance agent. I was curious how he moved in such a direction and he shared how he started off as a Catholic priest…until he met his wife. I was incredibly fascinated by his story and his experience. He grew up in Dublin and worked in South Africa for a while learning the village’s native tongue so he could minister to them. He knows and speaks 10 languages! In his last bit of work he said he taught people how to live before they died. I said, I do the same exact thing. Serendipitous.
What struck me most about our brief connection was how easily our conversation flowed and how meaningful it was for two strangers to connect in such a similar way on different paths of life. It quickly elevated my mood and brought me a sense of peace. We all walk different paths in life, but we want the same things. To love and feel loved and find connection to life in some way. To feel alive.
Later in the week I was invited to an impromptu virtual happy hour with some girlfriends and found myself laughing and thoroughly enjoying their company. I felt some normalcy and comfort in what has been a sea of chaos. We are normally lucky to connect once a year! Between spending more quality time with my kids and embracing the new challenges with the curiosity of what’s next, it has been a wild start with both joy and grief. Reminding us all of the duality of life, and what it means to truly live.
Consider starting a book of proof that life is happening for you and that serendipity is simply a moment of awareness away. When you tune into the joy, you tune into the hope and hope feels so much better than fear.