This is a transcript from my podcast on how to truly LIVE while in the gap of where you are and where you want to be. Helpful tips on ways to be more present and even enjoy the waiting in the gap.
Today we are going to be talking about some helpful practices and perspectives to help you while you are living in the gap between where you are now and where you want to be.
You know that feeling of disappointment, impatience and confusion of why you are not where you want to be yet? Its normal. And purposeful.
I know, I don’t care for it either, but its okay, we are going to be practicing making it work for us instead of wishing it away.
I want you to start recognizing the power and purpose of your path and why waiting is not actually meant to torture you, but to help you.
Let’s start with a visual practice. I want you to visually or manually draw a line of where you are now and where you want to be. Look at the line and think about what you are going to put in the dash between now and the inevitable future. How do you want to live your life? What story do you want to tell when this is over?
When we have symptoms of depression, it’s because we are looking at the past and feeling sadness and remorse or missing our experiences…wanting more or wanting different. This can be extremely draining and defeating. However, we can also choose to use our past as proof that good things happen to us regularly and often times when we least expect it. This is a switch in perspective and using our past for good.
When we have symptoms of anxiety, we are charging ahead and looking at the future with fear of the unknown and often times creating scary or upsetting visions in our heads. Outcomes which notoriously don’t come even close to happening. This can also be extremely draining and defeating. But we can also use the future to create visions of what we want more of and how it will feel to be there…which provides us motivation to keep going.
So we are going to use the future and the past to work for us, not against us.
Let’s start with the past.
We can use the past as proof that essentially, most of what we worry about does not come to fruition. Life has a mysterious and miraculous way of working things out. You have an entire lifetime of proof that your biggest fears do not translate to your actual reality. This is incredibly helpful when we are stuck in a cycle of worry. You have a ton of evidence that you are going to be okay.
This allows us to look back and see how the energy we used worrying about what was not going to happen could have been used elsewhere. Here is our proof that really, we don’t need to fear because things are going to be okay and we are going to be okay. Even if we fall a couple times, it’s still going to be okay. We always get what we need.
Often during the time between when you wanted something to happen and when it finally did, you worried a bit that it might not or that you would feel terrible in the process of waiting. Which is likely what you are doing right now…making your life feel uncomfortable and stealing from the potential enjoyment of the moment that is right in front of you.
Since you now know that things were going to work out, how would you have lived your life in the time between? Of when you decided you wanted something and when you actually received it? This is where your power of choice lives and making it work for you.
Would you have spent more time connecting with friends or family? Would you have put in more effort connecting with your kids? Would you have planned the vacation you’ve been dreaming about or even just taken more time off from work to play? Would you have said yes more to the opportunities that presented themselves? If you had worried less about the outcome, what would you do? How would you have wanted to live in the space in between?
Let’s jump to the future now. You have a vision of what you want your life to look like or at least feel like. Sit there for a bit. Use your power of looking ahead…you’re already good at this if you a worrier…and see and feel what you want. Color it in your mind or feel it in heart….or both! Imagine being at your destination you are longing for. You have arrived and it feels amazing! You’re as happy as you hoped you’d be.
Now look back to where you are now..in present time…and see yourself standing there.. There you are waving…helloooo…you may feel far away or you may be right around the corner but you have a little distance between then and your future now.
Look at the gap between. You’re at your destination feeling or goal. You have a clean and open canvas of the past. How do you want to remember this time period? With worry and regret, or living and creating opportunity. What do you want it to look like? This is your masterpiece to create.
Do you want to let go and play more? What are the connections you want to make? With whom and doing what? What do you want to learn about? What do you want to explore?
What would you like to get more comfortable with? What fears would you like to face? How do you want to live? How do you want to feel?
You already know its going to work out, so how do you want to craft and create that time period?
I’d suggest visualizing and feeling it and then writing down what you want it to look or feel like. Plan out your goals and visions for that time period of how you want it to look and taste. Let’s make it taste really really good. See the activities you want to do, the people you want to meet, the experiences you want to have..the opportunities you want to create and how you want to feel!
See and feel the life you are going to have in the gap- because it’s happening right now.
Ok…now that we have a sense of what you want it to look like, let’s also look at a couple of other practices that will remind you of the purpose of your path and that you have whatever you need as you go along your way to boost up your trust in your path.
We’ll start with your accomplishments. This one can be really helpful.
Where have you been and how far have you come?
Make a list of accomplishments in the past year or six months or even six weeks as a reminder of how your visions become your reality when you choose to make them so. What have you accomplished that you set out to do? What have you accomplished that you didn’t set out to do? What are the gifts that have come from these accomplishments along the way?
When we look at our accomplishments we can start to see the purpose of our path a little clearer. We can see why we had to wait for certain things or that what we thought we wanted turned out to be even better than we expected. And we can feel a ton of pride in our efforts and the fact that we have already created and done so much.
I am personally fantastic on focusing on the what’s next as opposed to appreciating the what’s been and what’s now and have to really slow myself down sometimes to look at the road I’ve traveled and see how every pit stop, speed bump, and detour had its own story and value. Rarely did I see it in the moment, but the meaning always find its way to me. And the stories are inspiring and beautiful…even the really painful ones.
When I look back at my accomplishments, it builds my trust that everything I am doing has meaning and purpose. Even the long naps and the short walks and the second guessing to remind myself that I’m still learning. The yelling matches with my kids, the I’m sorry’s and I love you’s and even the moments I was certain I would be alone forever. The days I was broke and the day I realized I was never going to be broke-all important. And all proof that I’m okay and history shows that’s not changing anytime soon. Somehow, some way, it works itself out.
Another practice to help you while you live in the gap is to practice living in the now. And the simplest way to do this is to look at the life in front of you and identify what you are grateful for…in your life…right now.
Look at the life you have. What do you appreciate about it? What feels good about your relationships? Your job? The stuff you are learning about yourself. The way you manage your responsibilities? The weather? The place you call home? The clothes you wear? Your current lifestyle? The opportunities you have. Anything you feel good about.
Gratitude is a powerhouse mood changer. It’s not just saying something is meaningful, but feeling it. When I am thinking and looking at what I am grateful for, I am also practicing feeling the joy that comes with it. The way it lightens me up and allows me to feel content. Gratitude at times is an effort. I have to work at it.
But man, when I feel it, its such a high. To look around and feel the good vibes of the world in front of me. Its contagious. This is where I let the law of attraction feed me with one good feeling after the next to watch it grow.
When you are feeling grateful for what’s in front of you, you are living in the present moment and not concerning yourself about what may or may not come to be, because at that moment, all is well.
When you’re feeling impatient, try making a list of things that currently feel good in your life, as well as why you are grateful for them. We are practicing feeling the gratitude, not just listing it off. We want to ingest it.
If you feel grateful for the sunshine, feel what it felt like when it was cloudy for days to feel the difference. If you feel grateful for your health, remember and feel the time you were ill or injured to appreciate it even more.
Notice how it feels when you focus on the positive and notice how long it lasts- or doesn’t. This will give you an awareness if you are countering your experiences of feeling grateful.
It will also help you stay present for longer periods, which again, will help to manage the discomfort in the gap of where you are now and where you want to be. And more importantly make the moments work for you.
I know the discomfort of the gap well and I’m practicing with you. And in that practice, I’m choosing to live in a way that works for me….making choices…every single day. I hope you’ll join me!
How are you currently living in your gap?